Wednesday, November 30, 2016

SMT Turkey Trot 2016

Race Details
Price : $24 - Early registration
Date: November 24.
Goodies: Long sleeve cotton shirt, candy bar, Papa Johns's Pizza BOGO coupon.

I was really excited for this race, because I have run this route several times, and it's one of the biggest 5K in New Cumberland. But when I woke up that morning, I felt sick. I was a little dizzy and a little  nauseous. But not enough to stay home and rest...

I normally have  bagel and coffee before a race, but my body didn't want more than 1 bite of bagel and my coffee was too hot to drink. I drank some water and we left the car.

Roger had planned to beat his 5K time, and wanted to finish at 25.30. I felt so sick, that my goal was just to finish the 5K.



We lined up in the back, because Roger took too long in the bathroom, and we made it to the start line, 2 minutes before the race started. It took us about 3 minutes to cross the start line, there were a lot of people at the race.

At the start of the race, I started running slowly, but passing a lot of people on the grass, because the road was too crowded.

The streets stayed crowded as the race went along, so I spent the first 2 miles swerving around people. At some point I was running on the sidewalk, while the rest of the runners where on the road.

This year there was a Turkey Trot Tri Challenge, where those who signed up for it, would stop at 1.5, eat a personal pumpkin pie, a glass of apple cider and have to carry a small pumpkin the rest of the race. My friend Adriane was participating in this, so when I went by the Turkey Trot Tri area, I looked for her, but didn't see her.

I was feeling pretty good, considering that I hadn't had any food, and I was feeling sick at the beginning of the race. I sped up the second mile and last mile.

The last part of the course was going through New Cumberland's Main street and this is always my favorite part. The main street is closed and I love it when town takes so much pride on a race, to close the main street. Harrisburg could learn from New Cumberland for their Marathon.

Close to the finish, a cheerleader handed me a red feather. So, I took it. I sprinted to the end and finished. My Garmin said 27 minutes. It wasn't my fastest, but I felt good about the time.

Roger finished at 28 and change. He wasn't happy. He was cursing up the amount of people and how crowded streets were. So I walked away from him, because I had nothing to say to make him feel better. I  caught up with Adriane at the finish, she said that she had done 28 minutes, even with stopping to eat a Pie and carrying a pumpkin! I was very proud of her! she was in total beast mode!




We got some snacks, and cashed in my red feather for a Race ornament. There were runners dressed like turkeys as part of the race, and if you could catch one, and take a feather, there were prizes at the end for the feathers. I had really wanted a pair of Turkey Trot sunglasses, but got an ornament.


There is also a Frozen Turkey Toss, and Roger tried it out. He was pretty happy with his results.



I enjoy this local race, but if I had a suggestion for the Race Organizers, I would say to release the runners in 3 waves, to keep the streets from overcrowding.

Did you Turkey Trot?
Ever done a Frozen Turkey Toss?
What do you do in crowded races? swerve? avoid? wait it out?




Monday, November 28, 2016

Weekly Wrap 11.27.16

Good Monday Morning to you! How are you today? I hope you are having an awesome day and a fantastic Holiday weekend!

This week linking up with Holly and Tricia.





Work outs
Wednesday - Zumba
Thursday- Turkey Trot
Sunday - 9(ish) miles trail with Megan.


On Monday we did some light Christmas Decorating, my son was to be with his Dad for a whole week, and Roger couldn't handle not having him around to decorate the Christmas tree. We also had the first Thanksgiving dinner of the week. This whole day was exhausting! But very well worth it.


When I decorate the Christmas Tree, I need to have Elf (the movie) playing in the background, or I just can't function. but that day, I couldn't find the movie anywhere. I was losing it a little, so I opened the sparkling wine. That made it better.

On Thursday we did the local Turkey Trot, there were Turkey Trots all over, but we did the one closest to us, because I like the course. It was great fun!





After that we headed to my parents for official Thanksgiving celebrations. I was looking forward to helping my mom with cooking, but I felt sick and tired and could barely stand. So I cuddled with my niece and we watched videos on TV most of the day.

My niece's head on my belly, we were watching Let It Go for the 100th time that day.
After the Thanksgiving got on its way, we ate lots of good food. And did pictures, because we only dress up a few times per year.

 

On Friday my sister, Roger and I marathon watched Gilmore Girls- A Year In The Life. It was awesome. We know the last 4 words. No spoilers.


On Sunday Megan invited me to run in the park nearby, and I accepted her invite and off we went. It was awesome! We had a great long run, but I'm pretty sure I slowed her down a lot. Thanks Megan!!

Picture by Megan
How was your holiday?
how was your weekend?
Did anybody else watch Gilmore Girls?
What did you think of the Last 4 words?
Is your Christmas Tree up yet?
Do you have a movie you watch while decorating?
Did you do a Turkey Trot?

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Giving Thanks For Everything

When Thanksgiving rolls around, we all make a point to be grateful for the things we hold dear, our family, our children, our partners, our running shoes, our health. But a few years ago, I saw a picture on Pinterest that reminded me of being grateful for the things that are annoying, not only on Thanksgiving, but everyday.

I'm thankful for being stuck in traffic- because it means I have a car to be stuck in traffic with.

I'm thankful for the line at Starbucks- because this means I have a job and income that allow me small random expensive coffee treats.



I'm thankful for the fights I have with my siblings- because if we can fight, it means they are healthy, have a strong opinion on something and believe on something. < Even if it's hurtful at the time.... my older sister likes to pull my hair.

she might be shorter than me, but she still pulls my hair.


I'm thankful for my son's tantrums and meltdowns- same as with my siblings, I am always oh so grateful that he is healthy, smart and able to fight negotiate with me on bed times and getting more toys.

Tia= Aunt ... My son has called his Tia to come and get him before.



 
I am so grateful for all of you who take the time to come and read my random thoughts, especially when I get political and depressing. I have connected with so many wonderful people and I love reading your adventures in life!
 
 
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family! Suzy, have an awesome Thursday! We are stuffing our faces with turkey and tortillas!!







Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Girls On The Run 5K 2016

Race Details

Registration fee: $30 (early registration was $25)
Race Date: 11.20.16
Weather: 37°, with 20 mph winds.
Goodies: Shirt, Ticket to Hershey Park, drawstring bag at the finish and snacks.

What do I say about a run in the wind and cold? It was awesome!? Cold, but fantastic?!

This is the third year I have participated on the Girls On The Run race, they do two races, one in the spring, and one in the fall. The one in the spring always conflicts with my family 5K. And I run the fall one, because I promised my Cheesteak guy 2 years ago. I don't even know if his daughter still runs it, but I can't risk losing my cheesteaks. Only rational thoughts around here, right?

I woke up Saturday with a little bit of a sore throat, but told myself that I was not sick. The entire day went like that "I'm not sick, I'm not sick, I'm not sick".  I went to bed sucking on candy to sooth the soreness.

On Sunday we stopped at Panera for a bagel and coffee before the race. I drank as much coffee as I could to keep me warm, and to soothe my throat.



After we got to the race, I went looking for my friend Jodi, who was helping out with the race, and completely missed the Mascot Race! and to top it off, I didn't find Jodi! I love the mascot race : ^ (

The race started and we circled around the Hershey Park Stadium, as soon as we hit the parking lot, the wave of cold air hit me on the face and I couldn't catch my breath. I panicked for about 1 second, then covered my face with my arm to take in a deep breath.

I ran, I ran and then ran some more. My legs felt cold. I had warmed up, but the wind was cold and relentless.

Around mile 2.3, this beast of a hill got me and I stopped to take three steps. I was mad. I train in hills, and run them without issue, but this hill got me again! I'm going to train specifically to beat this hill next year!

I regretted wearing my puffy vest, and wanted to toss is to many times, but kept thinking of the cold after finishing, and kept it.

I sprinted to the finish line as the clock said 26.35 or so. I was trying to catch my breath, somebody walked towards me to put on a medal on me. I looked behind me, because on previous years, the medals were only for the girls in the program, but there was nobody behind me.. and the volunteer was staring right at me, so I accepted the medal and mumbled a thank you.


After the medal, somebody handed me a drawstring bag, I threw a water and a banana inside of it and kept walking to find Roger. I grabbed a chocolate muffin for him and we headed home to Starbucks . It was very windy and I wanted to get some more coffee in me.





Chocolate  milk, Chocolate muffin, medal and time. Too bad I don't like chocolate
 
 

GOTR shirt
Do you have a cheesteak guy?
Do you make crazy promises to your cheesteak guy?
Do you even like Cheesteaks? I can recommend a great place in Harrisburg.
Have you been defeated by a hill?


Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Meatless (delayed) Monday

So, on the last Friday Five, a lot of people shared recipes... but I didn't, because I totally missed the idea and gave a list of foods I loved, most of which I have never made on my own. Well, today I'm doing something a bit different and will share a simple recipe with you.

Also, a few weeks ago, Deb invited me to participate on their Meatless Monday link up, and when an awesome woman invites you to her link up... you just do it!



At my parent's for Thanksgiving, we only eat breakfast, and snack until it's time for dinner. This is one snack dish I bring for us to share, it's a favorite of all, even of the brother who only eats pizza all year long.

Cowboy Caviar

Ingredients
1 can of black beans
1 can of black eye peas
Juice of 1 lime
2 table spoons of Red Wine vinegar
2 table spoons of Olive Oil ( I use Extra Virgin for more flavor)
1/2 cup of finely chopped cilantro
1 chopped medium onion
1/2 cup chopped red (or green) bell pepper
3 chopped tomatoes
1 cup of sweet corn cooked ( you can use canned, I don't, because I don't like canned corn)
Salt
Pepper
Paprika

In a large bowl, mix the lime juice, the vinegar, olive oil, paprika, salt a pepper. Wisk them together and taste it. Add any salt or pepper to your prefer taste ( I use this for salad dressing too, it is so tasty)

Add the rest of the ingredients and mix well, keeping in mind to mix the dressing from the bottom.

I got this recipe from a runner, who eat this with lettuce leaves. But I prefer to eat mine with tortilla chips, or with a side of white rice. ... but I could really snack on this bean salad all day long!

Also, I have made it without cilantro for somebody who doesn't like cilantro.


Do you Like Cilantro?
Chips or lettuce leaves?
Do you prefer red or Green peppers? I can't stand green peppers, but love red ones.


Monday, November 21, 2016

Weekly Wrap 11.20.16

Good Morning,

I hope you had a good weekend! It was cold here.

This week linking up with Holly and Tricia.



Workouts
Monday- 3.5 Mile run
Thursday- 4 mile tempo and 1 Zumba class
Friday- 3.5 miles (sprints and rest)
Sunday - Girls On The Run 5K

The Sunday,  after spectating the Harrisburg Marathon, I did not feel like running at all. But I promised myself that I would run on Monday. During lunch, I saw that the local running club was having a Full Moon run, where they would stop at 3 bars for a beer. And so I went, not for the beer, because I'm not big on drinking, but for the company.

There, I found my running friends Jodi, and Ryan. It felt so good to be running with friends! I went home feeling so great!

Picture from HARRC Twitter  

On Thursday I went to the Fleet Feet group run, where I ran with my new running buddy, Adriane. We talked for the entire 4 miles that we were running, it was such a great run! She is sarcastic like me, so we were laughing a lot too.

Right before I went to run with Fleet Feet, I heard a report on NPR that made me very upset and anxious. After the 4 miles, I couldn't shake off the anxiety, so I headed to a Thursday Zumba at the YMCA. And I don't know if my brain needed the super loud music, or if I'm just lowering my expectations, but it did not suck.


Sunday was cold and windy, but I had the Girls On The Run 5K. I put on my warm running stuff and after some hot coffee, I ran my 5K. I'll do a recap later this week.



I have a short work week, and a Turkey Trot that I'm very excited for... but I'm coming down with a cold now... ugh! But I'm going to make my body a inhospitable environment until this cold leaves me.


Are you finally ready for Thanksgiving?
Who raced this weekend?
When was your last beer run?
Last group run?
How loud do you like your music when you are stressed or anxious?



Friday, November 18, 2016

Friday Five - Holiday Foods

The most Stressful time of the year is here!! And that of course brings the most wonderful foods with it. During a conversation with my sister, I told her that Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve are the two days that I don't stop eating, and I love it!

Today I'm joining Link up with Running on Happy & Fairytales and Fitness for the Friday Five 2.0.



Now, before I keep going, I feel a warning needs to be put here. I do not offer you healthier options on food, and will not tell you to cut your portions... I am simply not that type of blogger. There are many other wonderful bloggers who have those wonderful tips and amazing ideas. You can find them in the link up.... they are awesome!

Is there anybody still reading? Good, thanks! Here are my favorite Holiday foods

1. Tamales-This pockets of deliciousness take all day to make. But they are more than worth the wait. Unfortunately, because mills are not common sights in this country, we have to make them out of corn flour, they are still delicious, but not as moist at the fresh corn ones.

I cover my tamales in mole sauce



2. Mole- this is a thick sauce, there is many different varieties of this sauce in Mexico, but at my parents, we make two types. One is the simple version, with dried peppers, tomatillos, and garlic. The second is dried peppers, a lot of different spices, which include all spice, pepper, salt, almonds, sesame seeds, pumpkin seeds, peanuts. This second Mole is the one we have for Thanksgiving, and it is delicious with Mexican red rice and turkey.



3.  Pozole-this one is a red hominy soup with pork meat. We top this delicious soup with fresh shredded lettuce, lime and fresh chopped onions. It is so delicious! And my Mom only makes it once a year. It's a lot of work.

Step 2 of Poloze, picking the good kernels... there is 3 more steps after this one.


4. Chocolate Domes-  Any other day of the year, I'm not a huge fan of chocolate, but on the holidays I love those delicious chocolate mousse confections!



5. Wine- Of course Wine is good any time of the year, but it is oh so nice to enjoy two glasses of wine on a weeknight, knowing I don't have to be up at 6:00 am... and I could have that 3rd glass.


What foods are the staples of your holidays?
What is your favorite holiday dessert?
How many glasses is too many during the holidays?
Who is coming over to my house for the holidays?



Thursday, November 17, 2016

Random Thursday Thoughts

I have been having a lot of thoughts this last week, and I was not able to put one post on each thought, because my brain is too scattered right now. But here is a random collection of things running through my head.
 
Recycling - I am attracted to people who are intelligent, I can't help it... but people who recycle are even more attractive to me. So, whenever Roger puts his shampoo bottle in the garbage, I get really angry at him and tell him that I question our entire relationship. But then he takes his reusable cup to Starbucks and sorts out the recycling, and it's all good again. It helps him that he is, in my opinion, a very attractive man.

With President Elect - Cheeto, appointing a climate change skeptic to EPA, we need to do what little we can to conserve our environment. Now more than before, it is important for everybody to know and follow recycling procedures at home and at work. Also, if you can, take your reusable bag to the grocery store and reusable cups for coffee. < both will give you a small discount at Target and / or Starbucks.

Am I being too preachy? probably, but I'm already on his shit list, might as well go at it with a bang.

Books- Last week, The Nightingale became available for me to listen to in my digital library. This book was both, a magnificent read and a tragic read to have right after the Presidential Elections  of 2016. I cried, I was motivated, I laughed, I was angry, I cried again.

Check it out if you are looking for a good cry and an inspiring (fictional) story on what 2 people can do against hate.



Thanksgiving-  You know that crazy sister who has to organize and know what everybody is doing and bringing to Thanksgiving each year.... ? yeah, I'm that sister at my house. I made a list and assigned things to people. I will be shopping for my items on Wednesday close to midnight at Wegmans, because I want everything to be as fresh as possible. But I am SUPER excited for Thanksgiving and for eating lots of food, that I barely care for how late I have to shop, or how long I have to cook.


Do you Recycle?
What was the last book that made you cry?
Are you ready for Thanksgiving?
What do you find attractive on other people, other than physical appearance?



Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Hero Run 5K 2016

Race Details

Fee: $15 (Registered in May)
Date : November 6th, 2016
Weather: sunny, high 60s, low wind.
Goodies: There was a table full of Bananas, coffee, cupcakes, granola bars, water. Included with the race packet were a tech long sleeve shirt, and a magnet.

Swatara Police Hero Run 5K is one of my favorite races of the year, and on May, I start looking for the registration information and mark my calendar right away.

I love any races in which I can dress up! my son questions my sanity when I don't dress up as what he would call a "normal super hero", as I have gone as El Chapulin Colorado ( A Mexican parody of super heroes, not because I wanted to make a joke of Heroes, but because he is a Mexican Icon) and last year, I was supposed to go as Selena, but accidentally left my sparkly sports bra at home.

First Hero Run in 2014
 
This year, I put on everything before leaving home, only waited to put on the red lipstick, that is the Selena signature, until after my coffee.

I met up the River Runners for the group picture after Bib Pick up. There was a big group running!


River Runners- Super Hero Pose
 
My running belt didn't fit between my bib and the sparkly bra and pants, so I opted for leaving it behind, and I haven't been using music or headphones for 5ks this year.



I met up with Jodi and Emily at the start line. Jodi asked me what my time goal was, and I said 27 minutes. She said that she would run with me. I have never had somebody stay with me for an entire race, my family usually follows the "Run your own race" Rule. But I decided I would stay with Jodi, if she went fast, I would go fast, even if it hurt a little.



The race started about 10 minutes late. We were in the back, thinking that we were going to start off slow, but we quickly passed many other runners. Right after we left the parking lot, a guy cut the course, instead of circling where the cones were, he cut across the parking lot. "Who does he think he is cheating? " I asked Jodi, and she replied "Right, the winners are probably a mile ahead already."

We passed a lot of people and had a bit of trouble staying next to each other, but we kept an eye on each other until the course cleared up some.

We ran past an older man who was chugging along, we both told him that he was amazing and to keep going. Right before the 1 mile mark, we were running behind a young girl who was leaping super fast. We stayed behind her for a few minutes, and as we passed next to her I said to her "You are amazing, I want to be like you when I grow up!" this put a spark on her and she started running faster.

A little while later, we passed two boys who were also running super fast, as we came close to them, I told them that they were super awesome, they also started running faster. Kids on race courses are amazing!! they always blow me away.

The course took us up behind the mall, we were running side to side, I felt Jodi slowing down a bit, so I slowed myself down to stay with her. I shouted if she was ok, she shouted back yes.

I felt fine the entire time, only had a bit of a pain on my left shin, but nothing to stop for.

The last bit of the course goes through the mall, and that is always a difficult part when it is so cold outside, and the shock of the heat is difficult to deal with, but the day was so warm, that it didn't make much of a difference this year.

I got a little ahead of Jodi, because the mall part was a tight squeeze to stay side to side. She was right behind me the entire time we were inside the mall.

We made the online edition of the local paper

Right after we excited the mall, I turned and yelled ( or mumbled) Let's go Jodi, we are there! Let's finish this thing, and we both started sprinting to the finish. Roger caught the awesome moment of us crossing the finish line in perfect sync!




My Garmin said 25.58. I turned and high fived Jodi as we both tried to catch our breath. We went inside the mall to grab some water and snacks. I couldn't stop smiling!

After some coffee and snacks we did more pictures.


We waited for Emily and her son, we were getting worried about them, because they were starting to take things down and they were not back yet. But finally, they crossed the finish line smiling.


I already marked my calendar for next year.... and maybe this time I'll make my son stop questioning my levels of normal and go as Wonder Woman.

Who is your Hero?
Who would you dress like for a Hero Run?


Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Christmas Shopping Headaches and Other Options

6 years ago in the Christmas Season, I was close to a nervous breakdown, wrapping gifts, saving receipts,  baking cookies, wanting the gift exchange with my family to be perfect.... the type of insanity that leads people to hating the season and the holidays. That year, I slept 3 hours on December 23rd, and 4 hours on December 24th. And had to return at least 10 things, and donated half of my presents.

The following year, I decided that a new plan was needed, that I would no longer drive myself crazy trying to make the holidays perfect and instead, I would plan out the entire month. That November, I sent my family an email asking them to give me 5 things that they really wanted for Christmas, double and triple emphasis on really wanted. I told them that no wish was too big, or too small, but that I did ask for them to list things they would use. Somebody asked for an Apple TV device,  somebody else asked for socks, while a brother asked for a nice dress jacket, and a sister asked for a pair of boots she had been looking at for 2 months, somebody even asked for a body wash set, because she loves those baskets.

My shopping trip became focused and with a purpose and this way, I was not wasting my money, got some sleep and didn't have massive headaches at the mall. It was a success!

Each year since, I have also offered my family one of the following options

* I go with them to the mall and let them pick their own gift. If they need to have something to open on December 24th, I will take it home, wrap it and let them open it that night.

* Take them out to a nice dinner- We all love to eat! and we love to eat at nice places. So, if instead of a sweater that they will never wear, a handbag that they wont' like, I offer them to take them to a nice dinner and pay for it. We call it a "Because I love you!" dinner.

* Gift cards- I know that the Christmas Police considers Gift cards the least personal present... but having a Starbucks gift card late in January, when I crave a latte and a butter croissant, but my budget doesn't allow for fancy drinks, that gift card becomes pure gold.

* To pay one of their bills- If you never had to struggle with knowing you have to buy food, gifts for people and worry about paying the bills....  then consider yourself 1000 times blessed!

* Told them that they do not at all have to worry about buying me a gift. I am lucky to be healthy, strong, a little emotionally unstable, but ok for the most part and I don't need another sweater, another book, another handbag.  But I do want mental sanity and bliss for my family.

* Cash- say a number, I'll say a number back... we agree on a number that makes everybody happy.

Each of my family has taken me up on at least one of this offers, and those have been the best gifts.

What gifts do you wish your family would give you?
Do you have a shopping list?
Do you have any other non-conventional ideas on Christmas Gifts?
What is the best Christmas Gift you have gotten? Mine have been a Kitchen aid mixer, and MP3 player and my Garmin.



Monday, November 14, 2016

Weekly Wrap 11.13.2016

Good Morning,

how are you today? how was your week?

This week linking up with Holly and Tricia.



Workouts
Tuesday - 3 miles and Weights
Friday- 3 miles and weights

Last week was pretty awful, I really don't want to talk about it again. But this weekend was pretty good, so I'm going to tell you about it, but first, shout outs

Shout outs - Congratulations to Karen on her first Marathon, also congratulations to Heather on her Richmond Marathon. Emily And Chaitali were running Rock 'n' Roll Las Vegas, and I was oh so jealous!

Saturday my son and I had a lunch date. I love having lunch dates with my son! We went to a Mexican restaurant, because from now on, I will be supporting more restaurants owned by immigrants. My son and I had a good talk about his week and what our plans are for the Holidays.



After that we headed to 2nd and Charles, our favorite used book store. We picked up the last of the Junie B. Jones Series, and Silent Spring by Rachel Carson at really good prices!!  We also did some more Christmas shopping. My goal is to have all my shopping done by December 12.



In my family we all do a Christmas Wish List, because buying random things for people is never fun, and expensive. It is a very helpful tool! We crossed off items for 3 different family members, so, we were happy!
 
Late Saturday night, Roger, my son and I worked on our Marathon signs, which turned out pretty awesome!

My boy still confuses b with d... that is supposed to say "you can Do it"
 
 

On Sunday we went to spectate and cheered friends the Harrisburg Marathon. We ran into Megan, who was there to cheer her brother.

We were cheering near a water stop, so my son asked if he could help out pass water, we asked the volunteers and the welcomed the help. I know I am totally bragging, but having a kid this caring makes it mandatory to brag about him.

My kid on the green vest handing out Honey stinger

We found my friends at the finish line and after congratulating them, we headed home. We were tired!


How is your Christmas shopping ?
How do you know what to buy your family?
Do you make homemade gifts for your family?
Why is making Marathon signs so much work?


 

Friday, November 11, 2016

11.09.16

11.9.16 was a difficult day, a difficult day to comprehend and get by. I walked the entire day in a complete fog and old feelings that I had pushed down came back up... scary thoughts.

Back in college I suffered from depression. I struggled with getting out of bed, with eating, with just living. The cloud and fog of "This isn't worth living" hung over me most of the time. I struggled. But small things got me to keep moving, like the energy to go see Chicago at the movie theaters again, blasting the song Fighter by Christina Aguilera on my cd player, the thought of fresh baked baguettes, the plan to see this kid,  Dave at work and his bright smile.

All of those small things and the help of counseling helped me through this dark days... most of my memories of those days are of cloudy, dark and rainy days, even when they might have been sunny days. That's how my brain copes with those memories.

This feelings came back during my divorce. The heavy fog and pain. And this time, the thoughts of my son pulled me through. He needed me around to be strong for him. I made it through.

Wednesday, the fog would not leave me. Nothing was making me a spot of brightness, a spark of hope. For a brief and scary moment, the thought of "this life isn't worth living" came to me. And for that brief moment, nothing could pull me out. 

J.K. Rowling, the brilliant author of Harry Potter, has this nasty characters she created to signify the depression she has struggled with, The Dementors. And because she is brilliant, she also created a spell to make them go away and added chocolate to the healing. That moment, I wished for that spell. But I did have some chocolate. 

I told Roger about that thought and he said to remember my family, my son, him, that they all love me and need me. And I told him that was the thing, that depression keeps this fog so heavy, that one not only forgets, but can't see the love we have all around.

Two days have gone by and I'm still sad. But last night I was able to laugh with my son, and that gave me hope. Also, I'm angry. Angry at those who didn't see the threat of this candidate and didn't go out to vote, angry at the Latinos who voted for him, angry at the women who voted for him, angry at those who wrote in a candidate (my ex husband specifically <no wonder I divorced that man). 

This post has already gotten so long... And I have so much more to say. I'll get back to the running post, right now my heart is not ready. If you are struggling ...  Hang in there! We have 4 more years to be strong for. Also, please don't tell me to move on.... This isn't a nice thing to say to a Mexican immigrant, a Muslim, an LGBT person, a person of color, a woman, a survivor... We are under threat, and the sooner more people recognize that, the soonner healing can begin.