Tuesday, February 07, 2017

I Own My Car!

5 years ago, the car that I was driving started having problems. I was married, and was driving my then-husband's car. Things were very difficult during that time in our marriage, but if I could say there was a moment when I knew my marriage was over, it would be the moment I'm going to tell you about.

I had been asking my ex-husband to sit down with me and review options on a car, and what we were going to do. He kept flat out refusing. So, one night, I got us a baby sitter and scheduled us out for a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. Once we were sitting down with our food, I presented him with my charts on car payments, how much I needed for a down payment and my projections for paying it off. He hear me out, he had no other option, we were in a crowded restaurant, with our food at the table.... Did I mention I had to pay for the dinner myself? Yeah, he was making 50% more money than me, but refused to pay for meals out... after I was done with my charts he said to me "Do whatever you want, but know that if you buy a car, you will be doing this all on your own."

I was confused... I knew and understood that buying a car for myself would be my financial responsibility. But at this time, I was paying for my son's child care, all of our groceries, and utility bills. I could swing it, but it would be a tight situation.

I asked him, what did he mean I would be on my own? and he answered, "Don't expect me to save you, or help you out with groceries if you can't afford it. You are still responsible for what you pay at the house."

I was livid!! but, I couldn't throw the plate of hot food at his face at the restaurant, as much as I wanted to.

I asked him what he expected me to do for getting to work, if the car stopped working, and his response was "Ask your sister, figure it out with her." What I didn't tell you before was that my sister was carpooling with me at the time. But this didn't make her responsible for my transportation to work, it didn't make her responsible for taking care of taking me and our son all over the place. But he didn't see it that way.

Later that night, he tried to have sex with me. But I looked at him straight on the eye and said "Don't ever touch me again!"

A week after that, he was away in DC for a week for work. So I used this time to go look for a new car. The sales rep was less than helpful and treated me like if I was a crazy person dressed on work out clothes and a raincoat... because I was a crazy person on workout clothes and a raincoat... But after he ran my credit report, he became the picture for perfect customer service.

By the time he got back from DC, I had test driven a car, and filled out an application for a loan. The following week, I asked him for a divorce. When he asked me why I said "because I want to do more things all on my own."

The day I drove my car off the parking lot, was the day I declared my independence from a less than supportive husband, borderline on abusive. As difficult as it was some days for my son, I know he is better off with a mother who will not put up with crap from anybody, not even his father.

I liked this picture the first day I saw it.. I felt so proud. But when I see it now, I see that the fear and the lack of confidence on everything about me... the clothes, the way I'm standing.


That car purchase showed me that not only was he not helping me, but he was holding me back from things I wanted to do.... when I told him I wanted to do a 5K, and he told me "You wont' train for it, you can't do it" and it took me 7 years to finally say "yes, I can! and I will!" When he told me that I couldn't go to DC, because I couldn't drive there and as soon as I signed our divorce petition, I took my son and drove there and stayed for the whole weekend. When I told him I wanted to go hiking, he told me that I was not an outdoorsy person... hiking is now one of my favorite past times.

Last night, I paid my last car payment and I officially own my car! Which means that I have been separated for almost 5 years and have grown and prospered for all that time... all on my own.


9 comments:

  1. FUCK YEAH ANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I only know you as the strong confident woman you are now. I am so glad you got out of that relationship and are independent. :)

    Paying off a car is a big accomplishment! I bet it is going to be nice not having those monthly payments.

    Paul and I want to go to DC for the weekend.

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    1. Thank you! It takes a different level of confidence to stand up to get out of a difficult relationship.. I'm still proud of myself.

      I will love not having those car payments! that money will go to pay off something else!!

      Go to DC! it's a quick drive and there is so many things to do. back in the day, I would have said walk to the White house from the Air and Space museum, but it's not worth it now. But I am wanting to see the African American history museum so badly!!

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  2. Congratulations! Congrats for paying off your car payment, but also for realizing your own self worth as well. XO

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    1. Thank you!! Sometimes it's harder than it should be!

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  3. YES!!!! I am so happy that you made the decision to get out of that relationship and focus your time and energy on creating a life that makes you happy.

    Congrats on paying off your car! My car is almost seven years old now, and there are definitely some features I'd love to upgrade into a new car for, but I refuse to have a car payment!

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    1. Thank you!

      I agree, I need some new features on my car, but as long as it's doing its most important feature ... drive me to work... I'm not buying another car.

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  4. Yay for owning your car and thriving with your independence! The car is such a great reminder of everything you've been able to do and will continue to be able to do :)

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    1. Thank you! You are right, it is a reminder of my own straight!

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  5. Wow, thank you for sharing this story. It really highlights how selfish and unsupportive your ex was, and how much your car means to you! What a liberating experience!

    I loved flat out owning my car and having it paid off, but I totaled it a few years ago and since then I've been paying on my new car. It's a pain! I hate payments!

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