I had been asking my ex-husband to sit down with me and review options on a car, and what we were going to do. He kept flat out refusing. So, one night, I got us a baby sitter and scheduled us out for a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. Once we were sitting down with our food, I presented him with my charts on car payments, how much I needed for a down payment and my projections for paying it off. He hear me out, he had no other option, we were in a crowded restaurant, with our food at the table.... Did I mention I had to pay for the dinner myself? Yeah, he was making 50% more money than me, but refused to pay for meals out... after I was done with my charts he said to me "Do whatever you want, but know that if you buy a car, you will be doing this all on your own."
I was confused... I knew and understood that buying a car for myself would be my financial responsibility. But at this time, I was paying for my son's child care, all of our groceries, and utility bills. I could swing it, but it would be a tight situation.
I asked him, what did he mean I would be on my own? and he answered, "Don't expect me to save you, or help you out with groceries if you can't afford it. You are still responsible for what you pay at the house."
I was livid!! but, I couldn't throw the plate of hot food at his face at the restaurant, as much as I wanted to.
I asked him what he expected me to do for getting to work, if the car stopped working, and his response was "Ask your sister, figure it out with her." What I didn't tell you before was that my sister was carpooling with me at the time. But this didn't make her responsible for my transportation to work, it didn't make her responsible for taking care of taking me and our son all over the place. But he didn't see it that way.
Later that night, he tried to have sex with me. But I looked at him straight on the eye and said "Don't ever touch me again!"
A week after that, he was away in DC for a week for work. So I used this time to go look for a new car. The sales rep was less than helpful and treated me like if I was a crazy person dressed on work out clothes and a raincoat... because I was a crazy person on workout clothes and a raincoat... But after he ran my credit report, he became the picture for perfect customer service.
By the time he got back from DC, I had test driven a car, and filled out an application for a loan. The following week, I asked him for a divorce. When he asked me why I said "because I want to do more things all on my own."
The day I drove my car off the parking lot, was the day I declared my independence from a less than supportive husband, borderline on abusive. As difficult as it was some days for my son, I know he is better off with a mother who will not put up with crap from anybody, not even his father.
|I liked this picture the first day I saw it.. I felt so proud. But when I see it now, I see that the fear and the lack of confidence on everything about me... the clothes, the way I'm standing.|
That car purchase showed me that not only was he not helping me, but he was holding me back from things I wanted to do.... when I told him I wanted to do a 5K, and he told me "You wont' train for it, you can't do it" and it took me 7 years to finally say "yes, I can! and I will!" When he told me that I couldn't go to DC, because I couldn't drive there and as soon as I signed our divorce petition, I took my son and drove there and stayed for the whole weekend. When I told him I wanted to go hiking, he told me that I was not an outdoorsy person... hiking is now one of my favorite past times.
Last night, I paid my last car payment and I officially own my car! Which means that I have been separated for almost 5 years and have grown and prospered for all that time... all on my own.