Weird Things and Lies I Tell My Son

In my life of  trying to be a better person, I have learned that speaking to my son openly about things, can be more beneficial to his life and learning, than me pretending to be the most patient mother in the world and wishing for time alone to sneak in sips of wine before he goes to bed. In that same time, I also learned that sometime lies are the only answer to kids questions.  

That honesty and open policy has let me to say some pretty wacked out things to my son... about everything. I started writing this down a long time ago, and this is just a short collection of them.

On Going to Sleep
Me: My Dear boy, please go to sleep. Mommy doesn't function well with only 4 hours of sleep.
My Son: But I am not tired !

On McDonalds
My son: Can I have McDonalds for lunch?
Me: no, McDonalds is closed right now.
MS: It's Sunday at 2?
Me: Yes, they close to clean up for dinner

I deny my son McDonalds, because I want to take him to get Pizza at Carrabas instead.

On Santa Claus
My son: How does Santa know if I'm sleeping? How does he know when I'm bad?
Me: I tell him.
MS: How?
Me: We have a weekly report we have to send up. We tell him if you talk back, if you don't put your laundry away, if you don't do your homework... and if you are really good and eat your dinner.
MS: Can I see this "report"?
Me: No, it's for parents only.

Wegmans Shopping carts
My son: I don't want to buckle my seatbelt!
Me: If you don't buckle up, the Wegmans shopping cart Police will give us a fine and take the car cart away!
My son: There is no Wegmans Police!
Me: See the guys over there with the bright orange shirts ? That's the Wegmans Cart Police.
My son slowly buckles his seat.

Aldi Shopping Carts
My Son: Mom! this store doesn't have shopping carts police!
Me: I know, that's why we have to pay to borrow one.

Random Weird things I have said

"Mommy doesn't like it when she steps on Lego!"

"Mommy is tired, hungry and in pain from the toy car you just drop on my toes! Please eat your food and do your homework!"

"Fine, don't do your homework, but you will have to explain to your teacher that YOU didn't want to do it!"

When did you find out about Santa?
What fast food places did your parents take you as a kid? I used to love the burgers place on the corner, by where my aunt lived.
how were you with homework as a child? I never once did my homework as a kid.


  1. OMG I love this and literally laughed at loud at the Aldi shopping cart comment.

    I do believe (although) I don't know what it is) that there is actually a Santa clause app. So maybe that one won't become a lie anymore..haha

    I don't remember whn I started eating fast food but I do remember in 5th grade our class took a field trip and on the way home we stopped at McDonald's for lunch. We had a new kid in our class that year and we were all shocked to find out that this was his First time eating at McDonald's. His parents never took him! We were all like OMG how did you survive??? We did find out that he HAD been to Burger King though. Such random stuff we remember as a kid!

    1. I'll have to check out the Santa app, but my son is 8, I think he might already know, but is afraid to ask.

      It is random that somebody hasn't tried McDonalds by 5th grade!

  2. This is so funny! Love hearing about all the little lies you tell :) I wonder what lies I was told growing up??

    1. I say when it comes to McDonalds, all lies to my kid are necessary!

  3. This is hilarious! I don't get it how moms do it. We didn't have fast food in my hometown (we lived out in the boonies!) so when we went to Harrisburg, going to McDonalds was like a TREAT!!!

    1. I remember when McDonalds was a treat! it was that precious meal on payday! but my son doesn't even like the food there, he just wants the toys.

  4. Hahaha!!! I love the shopping cart police; it reminds me of things my parents used to tell me to keep me in line. (We didn't have Santa to convince us to behave.) I also LOVE the Mcdonald's lie. So funny!

    1. The shopping cart police keep him in line! OmG! I remember the "your hand will fall out if you hit your mom" lie! I never tested it... can't risk loosing a hand.

  5. LOL that McDonalds lie is the best!

    I tell Cecil little lies too, like "if you let me clip your toenails I'll give you 20 treats!" but then I only give him 2 treats. He doesn't really know the difference since he's a cat so it's all good! :D

    1. Ja ja!! that is too awesome!! Kids can't tell the difference either! I promise my kids donuts just about every day, but he only gets about 1 / week.


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