In my life of trying to be a better person, I have learned that speaking to my son openly about things, can be more beneficial to his life and learning, than me pretending to be the most patient mother in the world and wishing for time alone to sneak in sips of wine before he goes to bed. In that same time, I also learned that sometime lies are the only answer to kids questions.
That honesty and open policy has let me to say some pretty wacked out things to my son... about everything. I started writing this down a long time ago, and this is just a short collection of them.
On Going to Sleep
Me: My Dear boy, please go to sleep. Mommy doesn't function well with only 4 hours of sleep.
My Son: But I am not tired !
My son: Can I have McDonalds for lunch?
Me: no, McDonalds is closed right now.
MS: It's Sunday at 2?
Me: Yes, they close to clean up for dinner
I deny my son McDonalds, because I want to take him to get Pizza at Carrabas instead.
On Santa Claus
My son: How does Santa know if I'm sleeping? How does he know when I'm bad?
Me: I tell him.
Me: We have a weekly report we have to send up. We tell him if you talk back, if you don't put your laundry away, if you don't do your homework... and if you are really good and eat your dinner.
MS: Can I see this "report"?
Me: No, it's for parents only.
Wegmans Shopping carts
My son: I don't want to buckle my seatbelt!
Me: If you don't buckle up, the Wegmans shopping cart Police will give us a fine and take the car cart away!
My son: There is no Wegmans Police!
Me: See the guys over there with the bright orange shirts ? That's the Wegmans Cart Police.
My son slowly buckles his seat.
Aldi Shopping Carts
My Son: Mom! this store doesn't have shopping carts police!
Me: I know, that's why we have to pay to borrow one.
Random Weird things I have said
"Mommy doesn't like it when she steps on Lego!"
"Mommy is tired, hungry and in pain from the toy car you just drop on my toes! Please eat your food and do your homework!"
"Fine, don't do your homework, but you will have to explain to your teacher that YOU didn't want to do it!"
When did you find out about Santa?
What fast food places did your parents take you as a kid? I used to love the burgers place on the corner, by where my aunt lived.
how were you with homework as a child? I never once did my homework as a kid.