Wednesday, June 14, 2017

My Son's Other Parents

By now, all of you know that I'm divorced and have a son, whose custody I share with his father. You also know that I am engaged to Roger, and my ex-husband is engaged as well.

When I introduced Roger to my son, I made it very clear to Roger that my son is always my #1 priority, that there was never going to be a completion for who got all of my attention. He is my everything, I live for this kid. Roger understood that, and has grown to love my son. He misses him when he is not around, he talks to him about things my son wants to learn more about, he calms his anxieties and fears, he also will ask him to turn off the iPad when we are sitting at the dinner table, or to do what I am shouting orders to him about from the other room. There is no doubt in my heart that Roger loves and cares for my son.

Then, there is the Ex's fiancĂ©. She bothers me. I don't know anything about her, other than what I have managed to stalk on Facebook, or in a random google  search.

When I got divorced, my exhusband and I made a deal. I would tell him when I was dating somebody seriously before introducing him to my son. and he would do the same. When the time came, I offered vague details about Roger to my ex-husband. Roger is a college professor, from Miami, divorced, and teaches martial arts on his free time.

But, my ex-husband being a man of no word, didn't follow through with our agreement. I learned about his girlfriend when my son started to mention her name. All of the sudden he started mentioning Gym Trainer Woman here and there. and I would ask Roger after my son went to sleep.... "Who the fuck is Gym Trainer Woman?"

She started showing around my son's baseball games. Discreetly, staying clear off my son or her boyfriend, at least until the end of the game.

The Ex never mentioned he was dating her, who she was, what she did, what corner of hell she was dragged out of. Next thing I knew, a message came to my phone "Hey, just wanted to let you know that I'm proposing to Gym Trainer Woman, and will be telling our son tomorrow". I wanted to ask "Who the hell is Gym Trainer woman?" but courtesy got me. Instead I said congratulations...

I know it sounds like I don't like her, but it's difficult to like or dislike somebody whom I know nothing about .... other than the random stuff I found on FB... But I have to come to terms with her being a parent to my child.

The rational part of my brain tells me that my ex-husband had to get used to hearing about Roger and him being a part of our son's life. Then I remind myself that I followed our agreement, and he still has never told me anything about Gym Trainer Woman.

For better of for worse, this woman will be in my son's life... so I guess Facebook stalking will be the best way to find our more about her? My logical friend Megan suggested inviting Gym Training Woman to happy hour... but I'm not ready to be a rational and logical human right now.





6 comments:

  1. Oh, what fun. Oh, joy, oh bliss. I can't count how many times I've muttered "Isn't divorce FUN?!?" to Andrew while we're dealing with certain.... people. Ha ha. Ana, I'd do anything to meet you for a beer and tell you my story. I'll make you feel normal in 10 seconds flat. My greatest piece of advice is to be happy, because that's what you can control. You can't control anyone else but you. If certain people don't want you to be happy, then by your being happy, you're going to kill them with kindness. I don't think you have to meet her for happy hour...but maybe you can live out your own version of happy hour and if she and your ex decide to "meet you there" (figuratively), then great. If not, well, you're still going to be happy regardless. <3

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    1. ha ! Thanks! I would love to sit down for a beer with you ! We could talk openly about all the things!

      Thank you! I will think of your advice and be happy... nothing else for me to do. I knew this was going to happen eventually, I just need to get used to it.

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  2. I am not logical, I am just not directly involved in the situation! I cannot IMAGINE how you feel. I mean, I can imagine because you described it to us, but no, I could never fully appreciate what you are feeling toward Gym Trainer Woman.

    I agree with Suzy, don't let that woman have power over you! Easier said than done, I'm sure.

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    1. I really appreciated your point of view! I see it as logical, because my emotions are getting on the way of my brain. Thank you!

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  3. I hope gym trainer women treats your son well.

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